I LOVE CORNED BEEF - A. P. Bowen Poems


Poems » a. p. bowen » i love corned beef


I LOVE corned beef -- I never knew
How good the stuff COULD taste in stew!
I love it WET, I love it DRY,
I love it baked and called MEAT PIE.
I love it camouflaged in HASH --
A hundred bucks I'd give -- in CASH
To have a BARREL of such chow
A-standing here before me now.
I say "YUM YUM" when "soupie" blows,
I SNIFF and raise aloft my nose:
Can hardly keep my place in LINE.
I kick my heels and wildly yell:
"Old Sherman said that `WAR IS HELL,'
But GLADLY would I bear the heat
If corned beef I could get to eat!"
I love it HOT -- I love it COLD,
Corned Willie never WILL grow old.
I love it -- now PAUSE -- listen, friend:
When to this war there comes an end
And PEACE upon the earth shall reign,
I'll hop a boat for HOME again.
Then to a RESTAURANT I'll speed --
No dainty MANNERS will I heed --
But to the waiter I will cry:
"Bring me -- well, make it corned beef PIE!
And -- better bring some corned beef STEW,
And corned beef COLD -- I'll take that, too.
And -- now, don't think I'm CRAZY, man,
But could you bring a corned beef CAN?
And -- WAIT! -- I'm not through ORDERING yet --
I want a SIRLOIN STEAK -- you BET,
With hash browned SPUDS -- now, LISTEN, friend,
I've got the CASH, you may depend --
Right HERE it is -- let's see, I'll try --
Oh, bring a piece of hot MINCE PIE
And ALL this stuff that's printed here;
My appetite is HUGE, I fear.

Then, when he's filled my festive board
With all these eats, I'll thank the Lord
(For that's the PROPER thing to do),
And then I'll take the corned beef STEW,
The corned beef PIE and corned beef COLD,
The corned beef CAN I'll then take hold
And RAM the whole WORKS into it
And say: "NOW, damn you, THERE you'll sit.
You've haunted every DREAM I've had --
You don't know what shame IS, egad!
Now SIT there, Bo -- See how you FEEL --
And watch me eat a REG'LAR meal!"